Where is sleep?

(Written in March, when Finley was 12 months old – before sleep training)   The gap between awake and asleep is at once so tiny and yet so huge, I think, as I rock my child to sleep. He is a baby (baby?) who fights sleep Maybe it is because he is enjoying our close…

Outlander: not all (fictional) rape is equal

Spoiler warning: Outlander (the first book). Content warning: discussion of rape, including marital rape. “The good ended happily, and the bad unhappily. That is what Fiction means.” – The Importance of Being Earnest, by Oscar Wilde People keep talking about how good the Outlander novels are, and it just makes me bristle. I just want…

Since becoming a mother I…

Since becoming a mother I care a lot about the rights of mothers*. I have had an amazing breastfeeding journey** and I want every mother to have the resources to meet her breastfeeding goals. I am very keen to delve into this at some point in the future. I don’t like the pressure that is…

I am ready to forgive Purity Culture

[Content warning: profane language] I recently read Rob Bell’s 2007 book, Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality. I did it as part of my research for a small group course on Sexuality and Relationships for young people that I am writing. I had read on Dianna Anderson’s blog that this book was…

Motherhood Diaries #6: When Matt is away

When Matt is away, I feel a little unmoored, adrift. I have rules for when Matt is away. I am not allowed to bake bread. This is because even though it’s not technically difficult or super time-consuming, it’s just one more job to do, when I have enough on my plate keeping Finley alive and…

The terrifyingly loving gaze of your child

When Finley started smiling, at about six weeks old, I was overwhelmed. He would fix his eyes on me and burst forth in the most exquisitive pleasure at the sight of me. Like I was the most amazing human being in the world. I found it intimidating. I worried that with such high hopes for…