Floundering

Where are we? It is Tuesday the twenty-fourth of February in the year two thousand and fifteen. I am over one month into this thesis-writing semester. I have about three months to go.

Something awesome just happened. I am sitting at my favourite cafe, and I was staring out the window at this young woman, probably a bit younger than me, with a gorgeous baby on her lap, chatting to two friends. Anyway, a plate of cake arrived at her table. Not a slice of cake. More like half the cake. Looked like an orange cake. So instead of taking a forkful of cake, or picking up the hunk, she picked up the whole plate and took a bite that was hanging out the side. What a woman!

My thoughts are in general a little scattered, so I’ll make a list. Actually, two lists.

Things that I am finding hard about Honours:

1. Lack of positive reinforcement. I’m meeting my supervisor about once a week, and that’s really helpful. But every day I doubt what I’m doing.

2. Lack of deadlines. The next thing I hand in is the complete thesis, perfectly polished. And that’s not until 26th May. Well, actually I have to hand in a first draft to my supervisor by mid-April, and prepare a seminar around that time. But it’s different to regular semester, where you write essays in a matter of weeks (or days, depending on how you operate) and then hand it in and never worry about it again.

3. Constantly worried that I’m wasting time, either by taking too long to do something or doing something that might not even be helpful.

4. Lack of structure in my daily life. I spend so much energy just on building structure into my life. I am desperately craving some external structure.

5. Money problems. I don’t have a job, and I don’t feel like I have time/energy to even get/have one.

6. Uneven energy allocation. Every evening, I plan the next day not knowing how much energy I’m going to have when I wake up. Every weekend I plan the coming week, not knowing what’s going to come up to make my plan not possible. It’s an utter mind-fornication.

Things that are good about Honours:

1. I am using data I collected myself, on a topic that is important and interesting to me.

2. My life is pretty much one long coffee experience.

3. I have the flexibility to meet up with friends during the day. See (2) above.

4. I have a lot of support, both within the uni, including a superb supervisor, and also in my personal life.

5. The government is paying me to do this. Even if it’s not quite enough, I get by with a little help from my friends.

6. I have the brains to complete the work, and just enough brains to organise and structure my life in order to do the work.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s